Divorce
Research shows that kids can cope with a divorce and come out okay. But many children whose parents make the decision to divorce are emotionally wounded in a way that lingers throughout their lives. The good news is that we know how to avoid these outcomes, because we know what the risk factors are that leave kids scarred. The bad news is that avoiding these risks takes enormous maturity on the part of both parents. Protecting your child should be your highest priority and you can do this by maintaining a strong, loving relationship with your child and acting as partners, to the best of your ability, with your ex.
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How can I help my kids through my divorce?
If you're getting divorced, you're probably worried about your child or children. So you'll be heartened to know that the research shows that kids can cope with a divorce and come out just fine.
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Parents Considering Divorce
Dear Dr. Laura,
My
husband and I are going through a very difficult time in our marriage. So difficult that we both feel that in time we will probably separate and
eventually divorce in the very near future. At this time not only am I dealing with the possible
loss of my marriage but what it will do to our 7 month old son. I am ridden with guilt that I will be responsible for him being a child of divorced
parents and how that will affect him when he is old enough to realize that mommy and daddy don't live together. I'm constantly
apologizing to him and telling him to forgive me when he is older if in fact his father and I do separate- of course he doesn't understand me yet
but I guess it makes me feel a little better by telling him that mommy is sorry. I guess my question is -- how does divorce/separation affect children
and their emotional well being? My niece and nephew are both children of divorce and they seem well adjusted to me. Do you have any advice on how
to deal with this? Thanks. -- Sad
Best visitation schedule for shared custody?
Hi Dr. Laura,
Three and a half years ago my son's dad and I began our joint custody arrangement for our son, five days with dad, five days with mom, two days with dad, two days with mom. Basically, dad always has M/Tu and I always have W/Th and we trade off F/Sa/Su. This was so we wouldn't be apart from him for long periods of time. He was only 4 at the time.
I have always felt that he needs more continuity, as much as possible given the fact that he has two homes, and I have approached his dad about switching weeks. My son never knows what day it is, never gets a chance to finish a book. Seems like he just settles in to the space and it's time to go again.
I have approached his dad about transitioning week-to-week and he is resistant. He says that he's not sure it would help the continuity problem (to which I replied "think about it: he has to make two transitions a cycle instead of four" but he was not convinced). He also doesn't want to be away from him for that long.
I offered that we could have time when the other parent sees our son when it's not our week, like for dinner or what have you. I believe this is very important for our son's well-being and would like to convince my ex of this.
Are there studies or resources that you know of that I can refer him to? Do you have suggestions that might help us make the right move for our son?
Thanks for your assistance.
-- Concerned Mom
Helping Your Child Cope with Your Divorce
Dear Dr. Laura,
My son is 5 and is very attached to both myself and my husband. After 8 years of marriage, my husband and I have decided to separate. Our relationship has not been well for the last 3 years or so. My husband is planning on moving out at the end of the month and we will proceed with a divorce. The hardest part of all of this for me is:
(1)Telling my son in a way that he will understand what is happening
(2) Ways that i can support him through his process of grief, anger, acceptance, etc. He is very sensitive.
I have inquired about play therapy and hope to have that work out. Any other advice/guidance is immensely appreciated.
Thanks so much.
Divorce: Surviving the Holidays
This will be our first holiday since the divorce. I feel like our family has been broken. How can I give my kids a good holiday?
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