Tweens and Preteens
Age 10-12 years
Today's precocious preteens often shock parents when they begin to act like teenagers. Don't be fooled, they’re still children. They’ll astonish you with their ability to conceptualize, to argue brilliantly, and then to do foolish things.
The Middle School years are a time of magical blossoming, but like all huge transitions in our kids' lives, they’re filled with ups and downs. As with parenting toddlers, parents who don’t accept and constructively negotiate their child's blossoming independence invite rebellion, or even worse, deception.
The biggest danger for tweens is losing the connection to parents while struggling to find their place and connect in their peer world. The biggest danger for parents is trying to parent through power instead of through relationship, thus eroding their bond and losing their influence on their child as she moves into the teen years.
Start Here:
Peaceful Parenting Your Preteen
Not so long ago, ten to twelve year olds were simply seen as children. Now we recognize that puberty begins earlier than it once did for kids
in most countries. Puberty has always been challenging, but changes in our culture mean that young people often face pressures and dilemmas
we couldn't have imagined, as they hit middle school and head toward the teen years.
Beyond Discipline for Preteens
Read More"What kind of discipline works for preteens? What I was doing before (consequences) certainly doesn't work any more. It seems to make him more defiant and rude, and we all end up yelling. He doesn't do his homework. All he wants to do is skateboard or play computer games with his friends."
Helping Your Child Adjust to Middle School
When your child starts middle school, they're faced with all kinds of adjustments, from increased academic pressure, to finding their way to different classes all day long in a bigger building, to shifting relationships with peers. That means they have bigger problems to solve than they did in elementary school.
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Staying Close to Your Tween Daughter
Parents often ask me how to get along with their suddenly volatile preteen daughter. It’s a shock when your previously sweet little girl starts tantrumming again. Eleven year old girls can be moody, over-dramatizing, self-centered, focused almost solely on friends, close-mouthed, surly, back-talking and condescending to parents. They can, of course, also be mature, affectionate and delightful, but at their worst they’re a cross between the most challenging aspects of toddlers and teens.
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