Discipline That Works

Ten Tips To Become a More Peaceful Parent

"One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world." —Charles Raison

When Kids Won't Cooperate: Give Choices

Giving choices may be the single most useful tool parents have for managing life with young children. It really is almost a magic wand, at least until children are about five. And even into the teen years, choices help children learn to manage themselves.

What's Wrong with Strict Parenting?

Research shows that most people think strict parenting produces better-behaved kids. However, research studies on discipline consistently show that strict, or authoritarian, child-raising actually produces kids with lower self esteem who behave worse than other kids -- and therefore get punished more! Strict parenting actually creates behavior problems in children. Here's why.

Should You Spank Your Child?

 

“Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.”
-Marshall Rosenberg

What's Wrong with Permissive Parenting?

Most parents hate the idea of causing their child to get upset. They don’t want to incite a tantrum, and they certainly don’t want their child to be angry at them. Haven't we all felt that way? Besides, it's so hard to know whether what we're asking is developmentally reasonable. And we're so tired!

How to Set Effective Limits with Your Child

You've probably heard that kids need limits. I myself used to question this premise. But what I learned by watching kids is confirmed by research findings in neurology. As children are faced with the necessity to rein in their impulse toward something they want (for instance, to grab the toy from the baby), so they can have something they want more (a warm, happy connection with you), they learn self-control. So our limits actually teach kids to set limits for themselves, which is otherwise known as self-discipline.

What's Wrong with Timeouts?

Parenting "experts" these days are united in their opposition to physical punishment, which research repeatedly shows hinders kids' moral, emotional and even intellectual development. (If you have questions about this, please see this article on spanking.) 

Why Consequences are Just More Ineffective Punishment

"Dr. Laura.... How do you raise children without consequences in a world where there are heavy consequences as adults? How will they know right from wrong when they are never taught something will happen when they do wrong?"
-Kristi

The Truth About Consequences

My Aha! Parenting moment last week came when my husband called me three times to email him something at work. He often works on a computer at home and then emails himself documents so he can access them from the computer at his job. A couple of times a year, he’ll forget to send himself something important, so he’ll call me and ask me to email it to him. Luckily, I have a home office, so it’s easy for me to go to his computer and email it.

Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child

Do you have a strong-willed child? You're lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders.

When You Get Angry At Your Child

Every parent gets angry at his or her children sometimes. Here's how to handle your rage so you don't dump it on your kids.

Healing Yourself So You Can Be a More Peaceful Parent

“In the absence of reflection, history often repeats itself… Research has clearly demonstrated that our children’s attachment to us will be influenced by what happened to us when we were young if we do not come to process and understand those experiences.” -Dan Siegel

When Your Child Acts Out but Can’t Cry: Building Safety

 

“Dr. Laura . . . My son is wound tighter than a drum and everything makes him mad. I know there are tears under there, especially from having a new baby sister. But he won’t cry, he just gets mad! He throws things, hits the dog. How can I help him?” -Nicole, mother of two

Why Peaceful Parenting?

“I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent or teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”
-Dr. Haim Ginott

10 Alternatives To "Consequences" When Your Child Isn't Cooperating

 

"My 3 year old was sitting on the couch after bath wearing her towel and said NO about 5 times when asked to get into her pj's. I was busy with the baby and I heard my husband say "OK fine -- no books then!" so I said "Hey! We've got a problem -- it's bedtime and you need to be in your PJ's -- How do YOU think we should solve it?" And just like that -- she got a big grin her face, suggested we all clap our hands and march our feet and we formed a line right into her room -- happily! Same thing for teeth brushing and potty later! Each time I said "Hey, great problem solving skills! Thank you!" And her response? "You're welcome Mama -- no problem!"  

Discipline for Young Toddlers

Setting Limits with Preteens and Teens

"This weekend, I asked my 13 year old son (who does not like to shower) to shower on Sunday morning. He whinged and finally committed (after I expressed my frustration) to do so before bed. Then in the evening, he claimed he did not recall making a commitment and would not shower the same evening, but would do so Monday am (which he ultimately did). Besides this going against basic hygiene needs, it broke what I consider a promise and his obstinacy and lack of respect for me really got me worked up. This looks to be a deep laziness and unwillingness to put effort in to doing anything he doesn't care to do/ contribute to. I'm at my wits end and don't feel inclined to engage with him anymore until he "comes to the party."