Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal fear response to something we perceive as a threat. Children who are often anxious have a chronically activated alarm system. They need support to notice the thoughts that are triggering them, so they can learn to manage those thoughts. Children learn to coach themselves through anxiety-producing situations by the way you coach them, and they gain the confidence to handle new situations by having the experience of facing anxiety-inducing situations and coming through them.
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Don't miss the new mini-course Helping Your Child with Anxiety, which gives you two audios and three printables that guide you through the steps to teach your child (and yourself!) how to manage anxiety.
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Helping Your Child with Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal fear response to something we perceive as a threat. For your child, a threat could be anything from his brother taking his toy, to swimming lessons, to starting the new school year with a new teacher. Many age-appropriate developmental tasks like potty training and learning to sleep in their own bed are perceived by the children who are facing them as threats, and provoke an anxiety response from the child.
Read More
13 Tips to Help Children Manage Social Anxiety
Read More“Probably the worst thing to do is to say, ‘Don’t be shy. Don’t be quiet.' This is not about trying to change the child’s temperament. It’s about respecting and honoring temperament and variation, and helping children navigate the world with their own instruments." - Dr. K.R. Merikangas
Helping Children with Phobias: Fear of Bees
Dr. Laura,
My six year old (mildly autistic, high anxiety, but very high functioning) has become violently afraid of bees. I'm not sure where the fear comes from; he's never been stung and his father
and I have never shown any fear toward them. He has always loved the outdoors. But the new fear of bees has him in a panic and no longer enjoying
time outside.
Do you have any ideas of how we can help me make him comfortable and less fearful? I'm totally at a loss at how to deal with it. Thank you!
Anxious Child Spits Compulsively - Normal or OCD?
My daughter is almost six years old and has developed this need to spit when nervous or being "grossed out". She has told me, upon my insistence that
she explain, that she needs to spit if she sees the toothpaste on toothbrushes in the bathroom, a junk drawer full of stuff, a messy dresser. This
happens several times a day.
But also recently when she was playing violin for my parents I noticed that she had a mouthful of spit and went to spit it out right after she
finished playing (that's why I am including nervousness as a cause as well).
She spit the other day and I insisted on her telling me why and she confided that it was my dresser. I asked her to come over to my dresser and
look at it--she got a tissue, in case she needed to spit, and I said, wait, wait, don't spit just yet--I want you to see that this dresser is just
fine--feel the wood--not dirty, I handed her some objects off it and then we opened the "messy" drawer-- I took out some objects that were in there,
a wrapped cough drop, some hair ties, some balm, and asked her just to hold them and see that they were not anything "gross"--she did, but clearly
just wanted me to shut the drawer and also was spitting in her tissue.
I am also concerned that she is now nervous about spitting in front of me. I have not reprimanded her--only insisted a few times that she let
me know what it was that was bothering her--not in an angry way, but perhaps not being able to disguise my deepening concern.
She does have one other "tic". When she gets wound up with an imaginary story where she is telling it or drawing it, she sort of needs a "stick"
or magic marker or something to hold onto, which she twitches back and forth.
Other than that, she is outgoing, loving, trusting, confident, with the "normal" bouts of the opposite of all of those traits! But I do not know
if what I am doing is a correct approach or not--or if we need to see someone professionally--please help!
7 year old with Bedtime Anxiety
Dr. Laura,
My 7 year old is afraid of the dark and of going to sleep. I have tried a million different things, but no one is getting any sleep and we both usually end up in tears, or me mad. Do we need to see a doctor? Its been months and it just seems to be getting worse.
Selective Mutism Diagnosis?
My daughter was just diagnosed with selective mutism, although I'm not sure the diagnosis fits because she DOES talk, albeit not a lot, outside the house. The developmental pediatrician said that it is caused by anxiety, and that's what my question is about.
Most of the time, my dd doesn't seem anxious. She loves going to school, has never had any separation anxiety, talks about school happily, says she's not nervous or anxious (although I'm not sure she knows what those words mean). But she does complain of frequent stomach aches and being tired and in new situations she chews on her clothing. Is this enough to diagnose anxiety?
The developmental psychologist has suggested that we meet with a child psychologist. What would such a person do?
Thanks.
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Jennifer B
Yes. It works. And the more rest I get, the more patience I have. It makes a difference.
Dear Dr. Laura Markham! I am a mother of 2 boys - 16 and 7 years old. I am extremely grateful for all the emotional and relational education that you provide us and also for your incredible loving energy to support our evolution as parents, as human beings. I took your course 3 years ago. Although the challenges of the parent-child relationship change almost every year, your parenting principles are equally valuable and effective. It's hard to reprogram the emotional-behavioral pattern learned in my own childhood... so I find it very helpful to go back to your teachings to regain trust and patience as a parent every time new challenges trigger my anxiety. To have more clarity, to reset my energy. Thank you!!
Janina-Madalina Dobrescu
Your philosophies are the only tools we've come across which offer practical advice grounded in clearly laid out lay terminology. Our family life day-to-day is nothing short of a miracle, thanks to you! - Dana Questad
Dana Questad
