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When Your Child Is Angry or Aggressive: What Helps

All children get angry sometimes. They may yell, hit, throw things, lash out, or seem completely out of control.

Anger isn't the problem. Anger is a signal that your child is overwhelmed, frustrated, hurt, or dysregulated. When we understand what's underneath the anger, we can respond in ways that help children feel safe, regain control, and learn better ways to express themselves.

If your child is angry, hitting, or lashing out, start with the resources below. You'll find guidance for handling anger in the moment, responding to aggression, and helping your child develop self-control over time.

Help in the Moment

The best place to start when your child is angry—clear, practical guidance on how to respond without escalating the situation. When your child is furious, the goal is not to lecture or punish. The goal is to keep everyone safe, stay as calm as you can, and help your child move back toward regulation.

When Your Child Hits

Aggression needs a clear limit—but children also need help with the feelings driving the behavior. What to say and do in the moment when your child hits, so you can stop the behavior without escalating the anger. For help with Sibling Hitting, see the Sibling Section.

When Anger Leads to Meltdowns and Aggression

For explosive behavior, rages, and frequent loss of control. Some children don’t just get upset—they become physically aggressive, hitting, kicking, or screaming when overwhelmed. These are often intense tantrums, not deliberate misbehavior. Understanding this can help you respond in ways that calm the situation instead of escalating it. If your child is having frequent meltdowns or losing control, see our guide to tantrums and emotional outbursts.

Understanding and Responding To Anger

Angry behavior usually has deeper roots—frustration, fear, shame, exhaustion, disconnection, or a nervous system in overload. The articles in this section give you a deeper look at what’s underneath your child’s anger—why it happens and what it’s really communicating--as well as clear roadmap for how children develop self-control over time—and how to support your child in learning to manage anger.

ALL ARTICLES ON WHEN YOUR CHILD IS ANGRY OR AGGRESSIVE: WHAT HELPS

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Help Your Child Develop the Skills To Calm Down When They're Upset


Are you ready to create a more peaceful home by teaching your child how to handle anger constructively?

  • Step by step instructions to talk with your child about anger.
  • The exact words to say to help your child WANT to learn self-calming skills.
  • Includes a fun printable for you and your child to fill out while brainstorming.
  • Specific research-backed ideas that kids can use to feel more calm.

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