Tantrums
While tantrums may be normal, many are also avoidable. Many tantrums result from feeling powerless or when the child doesn’t have the resources to handle frustration. Preventive measures can often prevent tantrums. And when you can’t avoid the tantrum, you can use it as an opportunity to connect with your child!
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Taming Toddler Tantrums
Temper tantrums are normal for toddlers, even legendary. Toddlers feel so passionately about everything, and they simply don't have enough frontal cortex capacity yet to control their strong emotions when they're upset.
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11 Month Old Tantrums
Dear Dr. Laura,
My son is 11 months old. When things don't happen the way he wants them
to he throws a fit. He will hit you, throw things and flat out scream
for hours if you don't do what he wants. It's hard to know what he
wants because he can't talk.
I know he can't talk to express. I just want to know what I can do to make things better, and make him happy. Please help me, I don't know what to do.
Concerned Mother
Should You Ignore Tantrums?
My little boy is just 13 months, but the tantrums have already started. I know that it's normal behavior for this age. But I don't want it to get worse over time because I'm doing the wrong thing.
I do the ignoring trick. It works for the smaller things, but when he's really upset it doesn't work. I think it seems to make him more upset. I'll leave the room and he'll follow me around screaming and crying and hanging on me. I am so torn, because he's still little and at that point, I feel like he just needs some comfort and he'll be okay. But then I have this internal dialogue telling me that by comforting him I am sending the message that its okay to throw these fits, and that's how he gets my attention.
8 Year Old Tantrums - is this normal?
My 8 year old has "melt downs" that seem extreme. One recent example. We were camping. I asked for the bag of marshmallows. Instead of carrying them the 4 feet to me she threw them. The mellies ended up spilled on the ground. I asked her why she did this and she started to throw a tantrum. I told her that she could go in the tent to cool off. Once in the tent she was screaming, yelling, crying and causing such a ruckus. I had to quiet her down but by the time she got to that point I couldn't calm her. Then her 14 year old sister made matters worse by mocking her. I was so worried at this point about getting kicked out of the campground I put my attention on the 14 year old to stop making the situation worse. My 8 year old then gets even more upset because I am paying attention to her sister and not her. And I have no idea what to say to the campground authorities.
I am totally at a loss as to how to deal with her when she gets like that and it doesn't take much to set her off. Someone looking at her on the playground, someone has something she wants, whatever it seems so unimportant to me but the way she reacts it seems important to her. I can't predict when her meltdowns will occur. Once she is in this meltdown it can go on for at least a half hour, and longer if the 14 year old gets involved.
18 month old toddler tantrums with hitting & head banging
Dr. Laura,
We are having a problem with our 18 month old son hitting his head when he is frustrated or can't have what he wants. He will head butt us (or just hit us) if we tell him no, and he will hit his head, really hard, on anything around him, including hard surfaces like the floor or tables etc. I try to not react to tantrums like this, but I'm worried about him hurting himself. He has already given himself several nasty bruises and a cut lip. With regular hitting we always hold his hands, tell him no very firmly, and if he continues, he goes to time out. We have been doing this for about 2 months, but the hitting is not letting up.
I would love some advice! Thanks, Karen
Whining, Tantrums in almost-2 year old -- Does she just need to cry?
My daughter is almost 2. She is an only child and I am a SAHM. She gets plenty of attention and is way ahead in all her development. I don't pressure her to do well, but I definitely encourage her when she wants- no stress. Lately however, naps and bed time have become huge challenges! I usually end up giving up, and letting her sleep in mommy's bed so we can get some sleep!
On top of that, she also chews and picks at her nails. She throws tantrums at the smallest things, and is also very whiny and clingy as well she has also regressed on her potty training- she was 98% done (exception is long car rides and naps, bed time trained tho!) now she gets mad if I even say the word.
I don't understand whats going on! I feel like a bad mom when she throws a fit and I either don't know why, cant stop it, or help her calm down. Could there be a development issue causing this?
Frustrated Mom
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I have seen amazing improvement in my *very* angry 17 year-old son after acknowledging that there was a reason he was so angry and acting out. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.
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Dana Questad
