Play and Creativity

Independent, self-directed play isn’t just fun for kids — it’s essential practice for life, and it shapes your child's resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills, along with social skills.

When children make up games, negotiate rules with friends, and climb a little higher than feels comfortable, they’re learning to manage fear, solve problems, and calm themselves down. These experiences strengthen the brain’s wiring for resilience. Without them, children can feel less confident and more anxious when they face challenges later on.

Toddlers (1–3)

Toddlers need chances to explore freely, within safe boundaries. When they decide what to touch, build, or climb, they learn cause and effect and begin to trust their own judgment. Unsupervised moments (like rummaging through kitchen cupboards or testing balance on a step) give toddlers early practice in independence and problem-solving.

Preschoolers (3–5)

Preschoolers flourish in imaginative, child-led play. When adults don’t script every activity, children invent games, create stories, and solve small disputes with friends. These unsupervised moments teach them how to negotiate, compromise, and cope with frustration — all building blocks of emotional intelligence.

Elementary Schoolers (6–9)

In middle childhood, kids need ample time for neighborhood games, fort-building, and outdoor adventures without adults directing every move. Unstructured, peer-led play is where they practice taking risks, solving conflicts, and managing fear. When kids don’t get enough of this kind of play, they miss out on learning “I can handle it,” which is the foundation of resilience.

Preteens (10–12)

By the time kids reach the preteen years, many are glued to screens. And while they can get something out of playing video games online with friends — teamwork, strategy, and connection — this kind of play doesn’t offer everything they need for healthy development. What preteens actually need is a different kind of play: real-world, unsupervised, face-to-face adventures with peers.

Unsupervised play at this age often looks like roaming the neighborhood on bikes, inventing challenges with friends, or hanging out in treehouses or basements without constant adult oversight. These experiences let them test independence, take safe risks, and develop leadership. They also give kids practice negotiating group dynamics and working through conflicts — skills that can’t be learned from behind a screen.

Without enough of these opportunities, preteens can feel less capable when real challenges arise, which feeds into anxiety and self-doubt. The more chances they have to explore, experiment, and stretch their wings in play, the more resilient and confident they become.

***

Across all ages, children need regular chances for unstructured, unsupervised play. That’s where they practice taking small risks, solving problems with peers, and discovering that they can handle challenges. As children’s lives have become more scheduled and supervised, these opportunities have diminished — and so has the natural training ground for resilience. Without that practice, kids are more likely to feel overwhelmed and anxious when they face the inevitable stresses of growing up. Protecting time for play is one of the simplest, most powerful ways parents can help their children develop confidence and emotional strength.

Simple Ways to Make Space for Play

You don’t need to overhaul your schedule to give your child the gift of play. A few small shifts can make a big difference.

• Leave room for magic. Keep part of each day and weekend unscheduled so your child can dive into their own games and adventures.
• Keep screens in check. They're addictive for all of us, and easy to fall back on. But when they fill every spare moment, kids miss the chance to invent, imagine, and move. Set aside device-free times each day to leave space for real play to unfold.
• Step back. Let your child take the lead — inventing, experimenting, solving problems, and even working through little squabbles is how they grow.
• Cheer on safe risks. Climbing, balancing, exploring — these are the moments kids discover their own courage.
• Head outdoors. A yard, a park, or even the sidewalk can spark creativity, movement, and joy.
• Say yes to friends. Unstructured time with peers teaches kids cooperation and resilience — and gives them some of their happiest memories.
• Support solo play. Many kids have gotten so used to screens that they’ve forgotten how to play on their own. Gently encourage them to tinker, build, draw, or imagine without a device. At first they may complain, but with practice they’ll rediscover the joy of independent play — and the confidence that comes with it.
• It Takes a Village. Kids play more freely when families know each other and feel part of a community. Get to know neighbors, connect with other parents, or team up with friends who also value play. When children are surrounded by a web of caring adults, they gain more independence — and you gain peace of mind.

What Gets in the Way of Play

If play feels harder to come by these days, you’re not alone. Modern life makes it tricky — here are some of the biggest culprits:

• Overscheduled days. Packed calendars with school, homework, and activities can crowd out the open space kids need for free play.
• Screens everywhere. Phones, tablets, and games can quietly eat up hours that might otherwise go to outdoor adventures or pretend play.
• Parental worries. It’s natural to want to keep children safe, but too much hovering can mean fewer chances for kids to test themselves and build independence.
• Loss of community safety nets. In past generations, kids played freely in neighborhoods where adults knew each other and looked out for all the children. Today, with community ties weaker and families often more isolated, parents feel they must provide constant supervision. Add with busy roads and fewer walkable neighborhoods, the play that once happened naturally now feels harder to allow — even though most kids would do just fine with more freedom than they currently have.
• Fewer playmates. Kids no longer all meet up at the playground or count on a game of tag in the neighborhood. Many peers are tied up in structured activities or home on screens, making spontaneous, peer-led play much harder to come by.

The good news? Even small changes — like trimming one activity, setting aside screen-free time, or saying yes to a little neighborhood exploring — can open the door for play to flourish.