Rewire Your Brain for Self-Compassion (Skill-Building Bundle)

Self-Compassion may feel self-indulgent, or like you're letting yourself off the hook when you mess up. But that's only because most of us have been trained to be tough on ourselves. Kindness toward ourselves is just as important as kindness toward our children.

Research shows that when we criticize ourselves, we send our nervous system into a state of emergency, because we feel threatened. By contrast, when we reassure ourselves and speak kindly to ourselves, the stress hormones diminish and oxytocin begins to circulate. We feel safer, happier, more connected to our own source of well-being. So loving yourself is essential to showing up as the person and the parent that you want to be.

Quick quiz:

A. When you make a mistake, do you:

1. Berate yourself ("That was so stupid! What were you thinking?!")
2. Push yourself harder.
3. Give yourself a hug and reassure yourself that you can repair things.

B. Do you think that getting enough sleep is:

1. Just not possible given your responsibilities.
2. Self-Indulgent.
3. Basic self-care that requires some other things to come second.

C. How would you describe your usual tone to yourself?

1. Critical.
2. Worried and anxiety-producing.
3. Supportive and Tender.

Did you answer "3" to each of these questions? If so, YAY! You're already on the path. We'll give you some tools to further boost your self-compassion.

If not, no worries. You can see where we're headed and what you'll be working on. You'll be amazed at the difference Self-Compassion makes in your mood. In fact, every time you choose Self-Compassion, you'll be rewiring your brain!

Ready to give yourself some love? Let's get started!

Step #1:

What is Self-Compassion? (Audio)

In this audio, we explore what Self-Compassion is, and how you can use it to support yourself in tough moments, big and small. Self-compassion helps us no matter what emotion we're feeling. Self-compassion is an antidote to anxiety, fear, anger, and even grief, because it helps us sit with the grief and move through the grief faster. 

Don't miss the special challenge in this audio, which is designed to heal your ability to love unconditionally!

Step #2: 

Put Yourself Back on the List.  (Self-Care Printable)

Do you love yourself? If so, let's manifest that love by caring for yourself daily. If not, let's start growing that self-love by caring for yourself daily! No, this isn't self-indulgent. You can only give your child what you have inside.

If YOU don't take care of you, all those unmet needs will fester into resentment and you'll spend your time trying to get someone else (your partner, your children) to fill your cup. That's not their job. It's a recipe for unhappiness, not to mention sabotaging your relationships. Now that we're parents, it's our job to fill our own cups. And that's a good thing, because we know ourselves better than anyone else does!

Your assignment with this printable is to decide on three of these Self-Care suggestions and make them a reality in your life. Yes, that's a lot. But I'm hoping that you're already doing some of them at least occasionally. Let's hit the ground running with some self-care habits that will support you every day of your life to be the person, and the parent, that you want to be.

Step #3:

Using Self-Compassion in Tough Moments (Printable)

We all have tough moments, when we feel upset. Research shows that if we can notice our upset, and offer ourselves compassion, we recover faster.  This printable will help you learn and remember the process for this, so you can practice when you're upset. Hopefully, you'll have some opportunities to try it soon. :-) You'll be amazed what a difference self-compassion can make!

Step #4:

Self-Compassion Meditation for Tough Moments (Audio)

When you are really upset, how do you use self-compassion in the moment? 

You Just Choose Love! 

But what does that mean you actually do? This audio takes you through the process that helps you develop compassion for yourself using the science-based steps of self-compassion. It's less than 14 minutes long, so you can use it any time you get upset to soothe yourself and regroup. Every time you use it, you're growing your self-compassion skills!

Step #5:

Antidotes for Challenging Emotions (Printable)

Have you noticed that it's harder to be compassionate to yourself when you feel some of the more challenging emotions? This printable, Antidotes for Challenging Emotions, gives you the words to say to yourself, and actions to take, to express compassion to yourself when you feel Shame, Anger, Embarrassment, Guilt, etc. You might think of these as "Reframes" that can completely turn those difficult moments around!

Step #6:

Self Compassion Practices - Video

We close this Self-Compassion mini-course with a video about three research-based practices that can change your life. These practices will support your access to self-compassion and your ability to use it in tough moments. I guarantee these practices will rewire your brain and make a profound positive difference in your life! 

There's also a handy calendar checklist, so you can give yourself support to develop the habit of doing these three practices!

Click on the photo to watch the video, or listen to the audio version with transcript.

Wrap-Up

There is nothing self-indulgent or corny about loving yourself. You could even say that you OWE it to your children, because research shows that loving yourself makes you more emotionally generous to others. Accepting and loving yourself is the foundation for self-regulation. It is the beginning of resilience. And it is your birthright.

Once you give love to yourself, you patch those leaks in your heart, so love from others fills you up more. And you stop trying to make other people change their behavior so that you feel loved. Instead, you love yourself, and you naturally inspire love from others, without control. 

You won't always be able to offer yourself love and compassion, especially when you know that you've messed up. But we all mess up -- we're humans! Just remember that repair is the path to healing, both for your relationships and your own heart. Every time you're able to respond to yourself with love, you'll be growing the neural pathways for a more emotionally intelligent brain. Soon, you'll find yourself in a whole new landscape, with a lot more love in your life, from both inside and out!