If your child comes home worried, clingy, or full of questions after a drill, it’s understandable—and it doesn’t mean the school handled it poorly. These drills often activate fear because they ask children to imagine danger in a place that is supposed to feel safe.
It is scary for children to hear that there could be a shooter at their school. That kind of fear can become traumatic if a child has to carry it alone. So how you respond makes a powerful difference.
When children are able to process their fear with a calm, present parent, their nervous system can settle. With the right approach, you can help your child feel safer, more grounded, and reassured—without minimizing their feelings.
First, calm yourself
Before talking with your child, take a moment to notice your own reaction. These drills can stir up anger, fear, or grief in us as parents. That’s understandable.
Your child doesn’t need you to have all the answers. They do need you to be emotionally regulated so you can be their safe place.
Take a few slow breaths. Remind yourself: My calm is the most powerful signal of safety my child receives.
Start with your child’s experience
Instead of explaining or reassuring right away, begin by listening.
You might say:
- “What was the drill like for you?”
- “What part felt hardest?”
- “What did you notice in your body?”
This helps you understand what your child actually experienced, rather than responding to what you imagine they felt.
Validate feelings—without amplifying fear
If your child says they were scared, that makes sense.
You might respond:
- “That does sound scary.”
- “It sounds like your body felt tense.”
- “A lot of kids feel uneasy during drills like that.”
- “That drill sounds like it felt scary. I’m really glad you told me about it.”
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing that danger is imminent. It simply tells your child: Your feelings make sense, and you’re not alone.
Explain the purpose—carefully and simply
Many children assume that if schools practice something, it must be likely to happen. That belief fuels anxiety.
You can gently reframe the drill like this:
- “Schools practice drills so adults know what to do in many different situations.”
- “Practicing doesn’t mean something bad is about to happen—just like fire drills don’t mean there’s a fire.”
- “The goal is to keep everyone as safe as possible, just in case.”
- “Fire drills, weather drills, and lockdown drills are all ways adults prepare for different kinds of emergencies. They don’t mean those things are likely—just that adults want to be ready to help everyone stay safe.”
Focus on adult responsibility. Avoid details, statistics, or rehearsing worst-case scenarios. Those tend to increase fear rather than reduce it.
Reassure—without making promises you can’t keep
Children don’t need guarantees. They need to know that adults are paying attention and taking responsibility.
You might say:
- “Your teachers and school take safety seriously.”
- “There are many adults whose job is to protect kids.”
- “If something ever felt wrong, there are grown-ups there to help.”
- “The important thing to know is that there are many adults whose job is to keep kids safe. The drill is about helping them be prepared.”
This builds trust without dismissing reality. If your child pushes back, they're saying they don't feel safe. Don’t argue. Go back to validating the feelings, which builds safety faster than any explanation.
Empower your child in small, grounding ways
Anxiety grows when kids feel helpless. You can help your child regain a sense of agency by focusing on what does help their body feel safer.
Ask:
- “What helps you feel calmer after the drill?”
- “Would it help to take a few deep breaths together?”
- “Do you want to draw, move your body, or cuddle for a bit?”
These moments of connection and regulation matter far more than perfect explanations. You don’t need to convince your child that everything is okay. Your calm presence does that better than explanations ever could.
By Age
Young children (Preschool–early elementary)
Keep explanations very brief. Most young children do not need details.
- “That was a practice to help teachers keep everyone safe.”
- “You’re safe. I’m right here.”
Stick close, offer physical comfort, and return to normal routines.
School-age kids (6–9)
Children this age may worry that drills mean danger is likely.
- “Drills are about being prepared, not about something happening.”
- “Your school practices lots of things to keep kids safe.”
Invite questions, but answer only what they ask—no more.
Preteens (10–12)
Preteens often understand more than they let on, and may worry quietly.
Start with:
- “What do kids at school say about the drills?”
- “What worries you most?”
Acknowledge fears while offering perspective:
- “It’s okay to feel uneasy.”
- “These events are very rare, even though they get a lot of attention.”
Teens
Teens may want to talk about fairness, prevention, or social responsibility.
Listen more than you lecture. Ask open questions:
- “How do you feel about how schools handle safety?”
- “What do you think actually helps reduce violence?”
If they want to take action—learning, volunteering, speaking up—support that impulse in ways that don’t overwhelm them.
When to reach out for extra support
Consider additional help if:
- Your child has trouble sleeping for weeks after drills
- They show ongoing anxiety about school
- They become unusually withdrawn or fearful
You can talk with teachers, school counselors, or a mental health professional to better support your child.
A final word
Active shooter drills are hard because they touch something deeply human: our need to believe that our children are safe.
You don’t need to handle these conversations perfectly. Every time you listen, stay calm, and reconnect, you help your child’s nervous system settle. That’s what builds real resilience—not fear, not rehearsing danger, but felt safety in relationship.
You are doing the most important protective work there is.
